WORDSMITH'S WIZARD WINCES, or, IGENLODE EXPOSED:

being a strictly non-alcoholic observation test


When someone is gratuitously injured -  1 point
  When said injury is described as 'agonising' - 2 points


When a character dies - 1 point
A major character dies - an extra point
  A character is hurt so badly he wants to die - 2 points
  A character actually kills himself - 3 points
    A character asks someone to kill him - 5 points


A character commits an act of gratuitous non-swearing - 1 point
A character is suffering from unrequited affections - 1 point
  (extra point if the duration of said affections exceeds 3 years)
A character lusts after another character in a manner so coyly described
                                that no-one actually notices - 3 points


A character speaks with an accent of some kind - 1 point
  When said accent is non-English - extra point


You spot a carefully undated historical reference being dropped - 1 point
 You can identify the date in question - 2 extra points
   You can identify that the date is wrong - 5 points


Two characters have a telepathic or other extra-sensory link - 2 points


When a flashback takes place - 1 point
  An intervening scene is omitted, only to appear in flashback - 2 points
   The entire story is narrated in flashback - 5 points


Score 1 point for every occurrence of:
     - 'glance', 'eyes', 'gaze'
     - 'momentarily', 'briefly', 'for an instant'
     - 'scowled', 'bristled', 'glowered'
Score 3 additional points for each further synonym spotted.


When a character is referred to by more than one name - 1 point
 Excluding family nicknames - 2 points
  Character's full name has more than 3 syllables - 3 points
   Character's full name has more than 3 words - 5 points


When a major character is described as unattractive - 1 point
 And dark-haired - extra point
  And short - 3 points
When a major character has an unsavoury past - 2 points
 When said character is gratuitously unpleasant in order to reinforce a
   negative self-image - extra point
    In which doubt is cast upon said character's sanity - extra point

Multiple narrators are used - 1 point
Multiple narrators are used to observe all the cast from the viewpoint
 of each in turn - extra point
  More than seven different narrators are used - 5 points
   If you can identify the above story - 15 points (give that man a
   round of applause: thank you)

Now, how many points have you got? Dear me -- are you sure you counted that right, Madam?

No, no, not at all -- just hand them to my pretty assistant here (give 'em a smile, Betty: always pays off in the long run).

Thank you. Now, a few magic passes, and -

Oh dear.

Well, never mind. It's not as if they were very valuable, Madam, after all. Now if your husband would care to pass his gold watch up to the front...

What, so soon? How unfortunate. Indeed: family crises -- always occurring without the slightest notice. No, I wouldn't dream of it, Madam. Betty, refund the lady.

<door slams>

CHEAPSKATE..!


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